


This Soulmate Bullshit

by yaboiCelsius



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Cute, Dorks in Love, First Kiss, First Meetings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gay, Gossip, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Poor Bones, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Swearing, Uhura calls it, i guess??, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,270
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22963447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yaboiCelsius/pseuds/yaboiCelsius
Summary: I wrote this because they are my first OTP and there is not enough soulmate stuff going around. Also this is my first fic. I Don't know how anything works yet, so humor me on this please.JIM: “Whoever invented this bullshit soulmate business probably has it out for me.” he grumbles while stepping outside. he has no idea where he should go from here, but that is not going to stop him. ~SPOCK: He is a Vulcan. A son of his father. And soulmates are a thing that he would rather not deal with. Still, he can’t help but glance at the name written in pitch black ink on the inside of his upper arm. And a whisper barely escapes his lips. “James”~(so, they are idiots, soulmates, in love but very very stupid despite being smart Starfleet people)
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 62
Kudos: 179





	1. Snowy days and sleepless nights

~~~Jim~~~

“i’m not a photographer, but i can picture you and me together” he says with a wink. 

The cute guy just rolls his eyes, takes his drinks from the bartender and walks back to his table. 

Well that is disappointing, Jim thinks. to be fair, it was  _ very _ cheesy but he is getting a bit desperate here. it’s been about a year since the Mark showed up one morning, and since then Jim can’t get a date. With anyone. Let alone get laid. Soulmates are hell, he decides. 

He downs his drink in one go, and stands up. Or at least he tries to, but the moment his butt leaves the seat, the room is spinning. He tries to walk straight to the exit, and judging from the look he is getting from the woman next to the window, he is failing. but she’s not checking him out, just looks at him with pity and then turns to talk to someone next to her, probably her soulmate, Jim thinks bitterly. 

“Whoever invented this bullshit soulmate business probably has it out for me.” he grumbles while stepping outside. he has no idea where he should go from here, but that is not going to stop him. Jim pulls his coat a little tighter around him, and turns right. He takes only a few steps before walking promptly into a bench. The world is turning for a few seconds before he feels something sticking to his face. He opens his eyes and sees...snow. It’s only when he turns his head that he sees lights again. Why are people walking on walls all of  the sudden? No one told him that gravity is cancelled. After a few seconds of laying like this, he gets up again, deciding that he is not having any of the Earth’s shit today. He walks some further, and people are laughing at him. Why is that? Did no one ever teach them manners? 

It’s so much more quiet here, less people in the park at this hour. Wait, the park closes after sunset, how did he get here again? Doesn’t matter. There was a place- a place tto… remember Jim come on! There was someplace important to go. He finds that he doesn’t really care, because somehow he laid down on a very nice spot. And it’s surprisingly warm. And before his memory or body remind him that it’s a bad idea, he is asleep. 

~~~~ Spock~~~~

Soulmates are illogical. No true Vulcan ever gets a soulmate. 

So that’s why he keeps insisting on wearing clothes that are too big, and refusing to learn about soulmates. His mother couldn’t tell him anything interesting anyways, she is one of Them. The ones who don’t get a soulmate when they mature. But that does not stop her. She has learned much about soulmates and is happy to pass it on to her kids. 

But Spock has chosen the way of the Vulcans. And emotions are variables he cannot permit himself. Be good, be best, be perfect. And to be the best one needs to ban all emotion. So Spock holds on every day that he is, in fact, Vulcan. But the nights are less easy. 

It’s dark. Why is it so dark? And cold. How is he not dead with this kind of weather? Spock shivers. Sounds seems to follow him as he explores the small, grey box he seems to be locked in. The rhythm of a drum creeps up behind him. He slowly turns around and sees it. It is always the same in all his dreams. And the deep, familiar feel of pure fear settles in his gut as it attempts to swipe him. 

Spock shakes awake. Every night he has been having the same nightmare over and over. He get out of bed, the coldness of the floor reminding him of the dream. He honestly hopes that his sleeping issues will be over soon. He glances to his suitcase, fully packed, ready to take up his mission again. As he sips his water, he comes to the logical conclusion that while he is awake, he might as well get some work done. 

His PADD lights up light blue as he opens the new list of crewmembers that will be joining the Enterprise on her mission. As he scrolls through their personal relationships he finds a handful who are working with their soulmate onboard the Enterprise from now on. This is satisfying to see, since recent studies have shown that people tend to fight better and work harder when they are around their lover. However, it also makes Spock ache just the tiniest bit for his own soulmate. He pushes the thought away quickly though. He is a Vulcan. A son of his father. And soulmates are a thing that he would rather not deal with. Still, he can’t help but glance at the name written in pitch black ink on the inside of his upper arm. And a whisper barely escapes his lips.  _ “James” _

  
  
  


~~~Jim~~~

There is a vague voice somewhere above him, calling out to him. Some voice in the back of his mind is telling him that he really should open his eyes. But why would he do that? it’s so nice and warm here and… painful.  
Sharp flashes of pain are shooting through his head. And then he hears it. Loud and clear. “James”  
His senses flood with a feeling of...calmness. Almost emotionless calmness. Somehow it stabilizes him, grounds him in reality.  
His eyes flash open and he sees...a man, hovering above him, blurry.  
After a few seconds he starts to see more detail, and is delighted to discover he is no longer outside in the snow, but in a starfleet medical facility. Next to him the the face of a man with a frown so harsh it could split countries in two. Jim gulpes. Dr. Leonard McCoy, aka Bones, aka Jim’s best friend and also terrifying human being, is looking over him concerned. Unfortunately, Bones immediately looks less concerned and much, much more furious.  
“What were you thinking?! Going out the night before you have to introduce yourself to your new crew?!! Your VERY FIRST CREW?!”  
“Ughg, Bones, you don’t have to yell. Please, i am not happy about it either, but i just wanted a drink to calm my nerves.”  
“.....Are you sure you only had one drink?”  
“Huh? yeah, why do you ask?”  
“Lay still.”  
Some odd buzzing sound that is vague but familiar comes from somewhere to his right.  
“Jim, someone slipped Benzodiazepine in your drink. You feeling drunk and falling asleep matches the symptoms. And there is a small trace of gamma amino butyric acid in your lower brain stem, which is slowly being taken out by your blood flow. Nothing to worry about, though you should take it easy. Have breakfast, get properly dressed and call me when you are ready. I will make up my report to Starfleet about this so we can get to the culprit.”  
“yeah, whatever Bones. Do you have coffee? I could really use some.”  
Another sound, less buzzing but more humming this time, and Leonard looks at him with pity before handing him a cup of coffee, black with one sugar.  
He leaves and sits in the next room, no doubt to work on his report and step up for his friend. Honestly though? Jim does not think it is necessary. People without soulmates feel alone, and if they have no Mark, some people can go clinically insane. It was probably some other poor lonely soul without a Mate looking for a quick fuck. He sips his coffee contemplating this. No, he is not jealous of those who never get their Marks. At least he has one. His chances of finding his other half this late in life are pretty much impossible, but at least there is someone out there who would have loved him.

~~Spock~~

“He is wonderful.“  
That is the very first thing Spock thinks as he sees his new Captain walk through the door.  
He catches himself right after, and corrects his thought.  
He is...fascinating. Well, he supposes, for a human he is quite….extraordinary.  
And then he speaks to his men for the very first time. And that voice...oh his voice is amazing! Stern, constant, yet considerate.  
“...First officer Spock, would you please accompany me to the briefing room?”  
If Spock were not a Vulcan he would have shown the strayness of his thoughts, or perhaps even blushed at being called out by him. But he is a Vulcan, so his logical, well-measured response is a “Yes sir.”  
As soon as the door closes behind them, the Captain turns to Spock and looks him in the eye. And oh! oh no! His eyes are wonderful too. Of course they are because every single thing about this man seems to be designed to tempt Spock into showing his human side.  
“So, i understand you worked under your last Captain, Captain Pike for…?”  
“Eleven years Sir.”  
“Good, well, he is very impressed with you and i expect you to be good at what you do.”  
He winks. Gods why did he wink?  
“I shall perform at my maximum capabilities Sir.” Forms his almost automatic response.  
“And we are not on duty yet, Mister Spock, so call me Jim.”  
“yes S- Jim.”  
“Anything i can call you when we are off duty? A first name maybe?”  
“i don’t think you could pronounce it.”  
At his, Jim laughs loudly, smiling a smile s bright that it could melt the heart of the most cold, logic driven Vulcan.”  
“I think you and i will get along quite well, Mr. Spock.” The Captain laughs while patting Spock on the back, motioning for him to join him on his exploration of his new starship. Spock is quick to obey his unspoken request.


	2. On Vulcans, Bones and Dumbasses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the mystery becomes even more of a mystery......oooooooh....
> 
> Okay seriously tho, these dumbasses are annoying. 
> 
> "If every month was going to be just as dangerous and insane...well then Jim is constantly being reminded of why he signed up.  
> What he did not sign up for was his First officer.  
> His handsome first officer. His handsome, Vulcan first officer.  
> Yep. Jim is utterly and royally fucked."

It has been almost a month since Jim started his five-year mission on The Enterprise as her Captain. They had been forced to kill a salt addicted shapeshifter, had picked up a boy from a planet who has been dubbed Charlie X, and caused the near demise of the ship. It has certainly been one hell of a month.  
If every month was going to be just as dangerous and insane...well then Jim is constantly being reminded of why he signed up.  
What he did not sign up for was his First officer.  
His handsome first officer. His handsome, Vulcan first officer.  
Yep. Jim is utterly and royally fucked. What really does not help is that Spock has never, in the past month mentioned that he found, or even has, a Mate. Which really should not give Jim this much hope. But it does. 

“Captain? it is your turn.” Spock snaps him out of his train of thought. Captain. After that first time where Spock admitted to him, calling him Jim, has not called him that again. Why he does not know, but Spock seems uncomfortable in discussing the issue, so Jim doesn’t speak up. Instead he moves his bishop to the right. This raises that perfect eyebrow so high it halfway disappears under Spock’s just as perfect bangs. 

“Checkmate, Captain.”  
Jim grins slightly at this. There is a lot he has learned the past month, but one of those things is that no one can beat Spock at chess more than once. 

“That was a very illogical strategy Captain.”  
“I am aware Spock, but i do believe i better give up on trying to beat you at chess.” 

At this, Spock looks almost...disappointed. No, he must have imagined it. “Vulcans don’t feel.” He keeps reminding himself at moments like these. Somehow, the tiny part in his brain that keeps reminding him Spock is half human as well is louder than any other thought. 

“Would you like a drink with me Captain?”  
Well, that is certainly unexpected, but of course Jim finds himself saying yes.  
They clean up their game of chess, and walk to Spock’s quarters, with easy chatter about Scotty’s incident in engineering recently flowing between them.  
When Spock’s doors open with a soft gush of wind, the first thing that catches Jim’s attention is the slightly elevated temperature in the room. It’s almost not noticeable, but it is there. The second thing that he notices are the very Vulcan attributes gathered in the room. It gives the room a very personal touch, and makes it more pleasing to the eye. 

“Why, Mr. Spock, it seems Vulcans do care for aesthetic after all! Such interesting decoration!”  
When Jim turned around, he could have sworn he saw a smile on his First officer's face. 

“Thank you Captain, i thought it would be good for me to bring some attributes from my home on Vulcan with me to make the mission more...enjoyable.”  
Spock says, as he hands him a glass of Andorian brandy. He himself is holding a glass of what appears to be chocolate mixed with alcohol. 

“Tell me more about Vulcan, if you will, Mr. Spock. I never visited.”  
“well that over there is a Vulcan Lyre, and i personally enjoy playing it, my father taught me how to handle the instrument.”  
To be honest, Jim is only partially listening to what Spock is saying, focussing on the interior of the room and Spock’s interest and obvious delight in being able to share his culture with someone. That is, until Spock starts speaking of the Vulcan bond.  
Apparently, Vulcan children are assigned a partner that is logical for them to mate with when they go through a thing called “Pon farr” which, according to Spock is not something Jim has to worry about. Despite Spock being half human, and his mother’s protests, Spock was also bonded. To a woman named T’Pring. Jim has never met her, but for some reason he feels slightly jealous of her. 

“But, don’t Vulcans have soulmates then?”  
“Yes, we do, and if you find your soulmate you can be unbound from the ritual, and proceed to live a life with them. If you have not found them yet at the age of your first Pon farr, you have to follow the Bond.”  
“Have you found your soulmate, Mr. Spock?” okay, so maybe Jim was leaning in a bit too much while he asked this, sue him.  
“No i have not. And i don’t think i will. I have good reason to believe my soulmate is human, and the odds of me finding him are very low.” 

Him. the odds of finding Him. Spock’s soulmate is a man. And for some reason, this sparks such pain in Jim, that he excuses himself from Spock immediately. It has been several hours, and they are both a bit drunk, though maybe Spock's too stubborn to admit it. But after some apologies about it being late, and him being tired and having to get up early for duty, Jim is making his way to his bed. He toes off his shoes at the door, strips to his shirt and underwear, collapses on the bed and promptly falls asleep.

~~Spock~~  
That certainly was...odd. In all honesty, Spock has no idea why he ever suggested having a drink in the first place, but it turned out to be a good decision. they had gotten shitfaced, and Jim showed genuine interest in Vulcan culture. When he asked about soulmates, Spock hesitated for a bit. The captain feels like his soulmate, but he cannot possibly be. His name is Jim, not James.  
Furthermore, Spock is fairly certain his friend does not have a Mark, and that he is one of the Them. Somewhere he feels sorry for him, even though he will probably never find his soulmate at his age. The odds of that are 1 out of 13558721.98, so somehow, he would like to believe he understands Jim. And yet..something about him is just so...different.  
And the reaction he got when he let it slip that his soulmate is a human male, is very unnerving. Spock stands up, pacing his room contemplating the captain’s reaction. He cleans up the leftover glasses, and puts on his pajamas. Normally, he would meditate before going to sleep, but it is late and it would be beneficial to his performance tomorrow, were he to go to sleep at the moment.  
As he drifts into unconsciousness, his last thought is of his Captain and his eyes reflecting the interest in Vulcan culture and curiousness. 

~~McCoy~~  
The moment he wakes up, Leonard dreads the day ahead. It is time for the crew’s check up again. And today marks the start of a few very exhausting days, starting with the senior crew. This month, Jim better get his ass in medical on time, instead of hanging around on the bridge making heart eyes at his green-bloodied First officer.  
Honestly, Leonard wishes they would just kiss. Maybe then he would no longer have to listen to Jim’s endless complaining about how it is inappropriate for him to get involved with another officer, because he is the Captain, and how he might pressure someone into a relationship.  
Mostly because Leonard thinks it is absolute horseshit. Because Jim and Spock would both never let such a thing happen, and even though Spock stubbornly insists he does not have emotions, the way the interacts with Kirk certainly suggests otherwise.  
As he pulls his shirt over his head, the replicator indicates his coffee is ready. McCoy eyes is, considering whether or not he should put a small amount of brandy in it to get through the day. He decides against it, and picks up his PADD, which comes to life right away and shows him the list of patients who will have to show up in a few minutes. The doors open for him, and he faces an empty sickbay. he sighs and gets to work. First one on the list: First officer Spock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoohoo! I am planning on putting Scotty in the next chapter and some gossip around the ship, focussing more on everyday life and less on our pining captain and first officer. Also, I should have it done in about a week.  
> EDIT: okay so a lot happend, so it might take a bit longer, because I don't feel motivated and im falling back into bad, depressive habits and yeah. so it might take a few days extra, very sorry for those who were looking forward to it.


	3. the gossip on the Enterprise City is insidious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this one is focused more on the crew, but the next one will reveal a big plot thingy!!!! so stay tuned.

Spock walks into the medbay, just about the way you’d expect. His pace efficient, and his face ever stoic. Leonard, gestures for him to lay down on the bed. Immediately, several alarms go off, signaling the apparently life-threatening situation the half-Vulcan is in. As usual, Spock simply reminds him these kind of reading are perfectly normal for him. McCoy simply nods, and guides him to the exercise table to test his stamina. As Spock takes his shirt off, Leonard notices a name, written on the inside of his arm. It is such a quick glance before Spock hides it by laying his arm on his chest, that he can’t make out the name, but he thought it started with a “J”, or was it an “I”? The thought flies from his mind quickly, as Spock begins the exercise and McCoy has to pay attention to Spock’s posture.  
later that day, when Scotty is in for his check up, the thought pops into his head again.  
“Hey Doc, ya reckon that there’s news on some of the crew?”  
“Hmm? Uhm, not when it comes to dating or newly discovered soulmarks. But that reminds me, i was examining Spock earlier today, and he has a Mark.”  
“Didnae see that comin.”  
“Frankly, i mourn for the poor soul who has to put up with him because they are Mates. It’d be insufferable, can you imagine!”  
“Aye, that’s something to deal wi.”  
“And what about you? Anyone on your radar as of late?”  
“Nae, i’m not looking out fer them anymair. One day, lad, you get too old for tha’ sort o’ stuffs.”  
“Such a shame, there is always some hope, take it from a country doctor.”  
“Well, i didnae see ya with anyo’e Doc, so yer one to talk!”  
“Went there, tried that, it didn’t end well. You of all people know that Scotty.”  
“Aight, if ya don’t wannae talk abou’ it, tha’s fine. I’ll see ya the’ night right?”  
“Of course, wouldn’t miss it, or fine your Scotch for the world.”  
As he waves his friend goodbye, Scott wonders what Spock’s Mark would be. The First officer always seems so far away, and almost robot-like. To be soulmates with him...well, the next gal better than him.  
He grins as he walks into the Turbolift, he can’t wait to tell Uhura about this when they are having lunch. 

~~Uhura~~  
That afternoon, during lunch, Scotty sits next to her. Usually, they spend the first few minutes in comfortable silence. Today, however, Scotty for whatever reason feels it’s necessary to excitedly grin at her, before he shoves down a mouthful of eggs.  
“Something is up. What is it Monty?”  
“Lassie, yer not gonnae believe this; Spock has a Soulmark!”  
This shouldn’t surprise her as much as it did, but after a second she realizes, why not? Why would he not have a Mate?  
“Well, do you know who it is?” she whispers to him, to avoid the ears of other, curious crewmen.  
“Nay, but i was thinking, maybe we could bet on it, aye?”  
“Just the two of us? That’s a bit boring.”  
“Aight, we oughta bring our friends into this wonderful mix!”  
“I feel like i am going to regret this, but okay. I’m entering the betting pool with…”, she thinks for a moment. Who aboard this ship could possibly be soulmates with Spock? “The Captain.” she concludes.  
“Teh Captain? lassie have ye lost yer mind?”  
“No, honestly, i’d be surprised if those two aren’t having movie nights and sleepovers already.”  
“Well, i ‘sppose, if ya really believe in it…”  
“I do, now, is this idea worse or better than what happened on M-113?”  
This was apparently hilarious to Scotty, and he complimented her:  
“Yer have quite the surprising mouth on ya! Such a fine friend!”  
His laughter drew the attention of some other crewmen, and Uhura rolled her eyes. This was going to be a long five year mission…

~~Sulu~~  
“Hikaru! Vait for me!”  
“What is it, Pavel? Something important?”  
“Njet, i have heard of ze bet going around ze ship, and i wondered, maybe you would like to join?”  
“What bet? And i don’t know Pavel, usually your ideas and plans leave me wishing i never participated in them.”  
“Da, but zat is ze good thing with ze bet, i did not make it up! Engineer Scott did!”  
“Scotty made a betting pool? it has to be good then. Let’s hear it!”  
“First Offizer Spock has a Otmatka, Ponimayu?”  
‘Okay, so...you are betting on who he is matched with?”  
“Da! I Think it iz the Yeoman, she is ze type to take intrezt in Spock, and ze other way around, i zuppose.”  
“Hmm, good point. Personally, i think it could be Christine from Medical, she certainly seems interested in him.”  
Pavel grins, splitting his face, and positively lighting it up.  
Sulu smiles back at him, swallowing down a giddy feeling in the prospect of telling McCoy in about this interesting bet (and maybe also a bit because of Checkov’s smile, who is to say?) He doubts the doctor wants to enter his own theory into the betting pool, but it is always worth a try.  
“Senior staff to the Bridge for Combat simulation, all hands to battle stations” Sounds Uhura’s voice through the hallways.  
“I repeat, all hands to battle stations, this is a simulation.”  
the two men resign themselves to their fate of hours long simulations to train the ship. Hikaru agrees is it necessary, but they could have chosen a better timing to do it. The ship switches to red alert as the two men sprint down the corridor to get to the Bridge. 

~~McCoy~~  
Seriously. A simulation right in the middle of his medical examinations? Why? Oh wait, James Tiberius Kirk is a whimp, that’s why. Honestly, why is it that his captain keeps throwing himself in front of phasers, falling boulders and any other type of trouble he can get his hands on, but cannot simply go to the Medical bay to get a friggin’ flu shot?! Avoiding his examination by simulating a battle is not going to get him out of anything. Leonard is so done with this crew already. He needs a drink and sleep. it’s been a couple of days straight from hell, as he checked every crewmember on the Enterprise. The only ones on his list that he hasn’t had are Sulu, Kirk, and himself. And now this?! Fuck no. He is not dealing with Jim Kirk’s shit today.  
“Christine! make sure the examinations are ready! I am going to pick these cowards up myself!”  
Christine nods as he stomps out of Sickbay.  
When he arrives on the Bridge, he finds the crew in relative calmness.  
“Mr. Sulu! Plot in a course to get us away from the entity so we can attempt to communicate!” Jim orders.  
“No he ain’t, he’s coming with me Jim! Find someone else to take the helm for him, pretend he’s knocked out or drunk or whatever floats your boat, but he’s coming with me to get his physical.”  
Jim just grumbles a weak protest, so McCoy gestures for Sulu to follow him.  
As soon as they are in the turbolift, Sulu starts grinning like a cat that got the cream.  
Leonard can’t help but puff up with pride a bit, since he did just drag Sulu away from Jim Kirk.  
After a few seconds, Sulu breaks the silence.  
“Hey Doc, have you heard of this betting pool that Scotty made about Spock’s Mark?”  
Oh yes, Leonard thought, today is slowly becoming better and better. And with the prospect of collapsing into his bed, he nods.  
Of course Scotty told others about the Mark. Well, if they want to mingle in Spock's business that is hardly his mistake. And als long as he's being left out of it, it's fine.  
"Not intrested Sulu, but thanks for informing me."

If they wanted to involve themselves in this Soulmate bullshit, they should let him have his peace at least.


	4. First contacts and Spock's worried

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a longer one (I think???) and it feels a bit forced, so I hope it reads naturally. I just really want this story to end well. (it will, I'll take care of that.) 
> 
> “How bad can it be? it looks tasty.”  
> Jim downs the drink in one go, and even though Leonard knows his captain can drink a lot, it still surprises him a bit. Jim smacks his lips slowly and turns his head to look at Bones.  
> “I was wrong.”

Jim’s physical will have to wait. Again. Sorry Bones, but right now they are surveying a newly discovered planet, and that is much more interesting than a physical.  
On the planet, it seems no one is alive. They do find civilians, or what’s left of them anyways. Their bodies are scattered on the floor. If it weren’t for such a gruesome sight, it would be quite beautiful here, Jim thinks. The flowers are blooming, and they seem to stand in some sort of valley, with beneath them a glinstering river. Jim leads the way, following the bloody trails to a village close by, built in a cliff. It has obviously been pillaged and trashed. There are broken pots lying around, pieces of what appears to be clothing, and food as well. 

“Captain, i believe it would be wise to avoid the settlement. We have no way of knowing if the person or persons who did this are nearby.”  
“Agreed Mr. Spock, let’s put our phasers on a higher setting and spread out. I want duo’s formed within the team. See if there are any other villages close. And take samples from the ground and the plants.”  
The team splits up, and Spock joins Jim in looking around, keeping their eyes open, so to speak. After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Spock speaks.  
“Captain, we should go North, scanners indicate there is a forest nearby, and it may contain more information about this planet, as well as interesting samples.”  
“Very well, Mr. Spock, which direction?”  
“Go right here, Captain.”

After a few seconds they see an increase in vegetation and plants, and before they know it, the forest has surrounded them.  
“Captain! watch out!”  
Jim turns around, and a dull feeling strikes in his chest, near his neck. And a sharp tingle goes through his spine. He feels his body going limp, and hears a small snap. Warm hands touch his face and chest, and a safe feeling blooms from those places. And then the world goes black. 

“Jim? Jim!”  
He opens his eyes carefully, and looks into the worried eyes of Spock.  
“You are awake!”  
“Okay, Spock, give a man his space. He needs to keep calm.”  
A grumpy voice sounds from the left.  
“Bones? Spock? How long was i out? What happened? Where is the rest of the away team?”  
“Jim, you need to calm down, everyone is fine, the only one who got hurt is your sorry ass.”  
“We beamed everyone off the planet, and contacted Starfleet to inform them that this world is subject to the Prime Directive.”  
“Thank you Spock. I need to get back to the Bridge.”  
Bones laughed -honest to god laughed- “No you’re not Jim, you are staying here until i say you can leave.”  
“Very well, Doctor, please inform me when the Captain is doing better, i must return to the Bridge.”  
Spock left the room, and Leonard sighs. Much deeper than necessary according to Jim.  
“Jim, have you checked your Mark lately?”  
Jim frowns. Of course he has seen it! It’s the same it has always been, wierd marks that translate to S'chn T'gai, which means shit to Jim. Honestly, he should never have gotten it in the first fucking place. Still, he lifts up his shirt, and surprise surprise! it didn’t change.  
“Haven’t you noticed anything weird about them? Maybe what language they are in?”  
“Bones, you are full of shit, i know that it’s in Vulcan.”  
“Well then, since you are all buddy-buddy with Spock, maybe you can ask him for help in finding your soulmate!”  
“And you didn’t think of this before because…?”  
Leonard sighed, and started preparing a drink of some weird stuff from under his desk.  
“Because that pointy-eared hobgoblin has been spending every second off duty in here, next to you. First i thought he was just a good officer, but the two of you are obviously friends, so if you would just go and ask him, then you can stop being so depressed and an alcoholic over your Mark.”  
“Auch Bones, way to call me out! But okay, i’ll think about it.”  
Jim takes a glass of something from McCoy, a sort of blue liquid.  
“Bones what is this?”  
“Medicine to get you back in your quarters, i don’t think i can stand you much longer here. just drink it.”  
“Is it good?”  
“Jim.”  
“How bad can it be? it looks tasty.”  
Jim downs the drink in one go, and even though Leonard knows his captain can drink, it still surprises him a bit. Jim smacks his lips slowly and turns his head to look at Bones.  
“I was wrong.”  
This, despite everything, made Bones laugh. Okay, maybe this bullshit is not as bad as he thought. 

~~Spock~~  
There is something or someone here with them, he can hear it. Jim obviously can’t, his human ears are not as functional as Spock’s Vulcan ones, after all. But before Spock can inform his Captain, he sees a figure in a tree only a few metres away from the captain draw an arrow.  
“Captain! Watch out!” Spock calls out. But it’s too late, the arrow hits Jim in his chest, not far from his heart, and lodges itself deep inside.  
Jim stumbles, and falls backwards. Just before he hits the ground, Spock manages to catch him though. The person that shot Kirk is spooked, and from the corner of his eye, Spock sees him running away, perhaps to get assistance. He has to act quick, get the away team to the Enterprise, and get Jim to Sickbay. He takes a few breaths, and only then notices how warm his hands feel on the places where he is holding Jim steady. He carefully lays Kirk down on the ground, and takes out his communicator, the small box providing some comfort.  
“Mr. Scott, beam the Captain and myself directly to Sickbay”  
As he materializes in Sickbay, he sees Bones appearing, medical equipment ready. He lays the Captain on the examination table, and Leonard immediately injects him with something. Spock knows it’s safe, that he can leave Jim here and go to the Bridge, but something in him really wants to stay, make sure that Jim Kirk is going to be alive and well when his shift is over. Instead, he leaves, and contacts Scotty.  
“Mr Scott, Spock here, have you beamed out the rest of the away team?”  
“Aye Mr Spock, thar’ all in fine condition.”  
“Good, tell Mr. Sulu i’ll be expecting him on the Bridge. Spock out.”  
The Bridge, that is where he needs to be right now. He needs to leave this planet and inform Starfleet of the primitive civilisation living there. he has a duty to perform. he is a Vulcan, it is only logical to trust the doctor’s expertise and go. Still, he cannot fully convince himself, and with an occupied mind he enters the turbolift.


	5. love is goo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim finds out yaaayyyyyy!!! Also he feels bad and guilty and cries! Noooo!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the title was the idea of a few discord friends of mine, so I tried to work it into my chapter. I hope you like this one, as it if by far the most angsty chapter.

~~Jim~~  
Jim waits. He waits for a moment where he dares to ask Spock about he Mark. He doesn’t. He keeps telling himself to get it together, but whenever he thinks about having a conversation with Spock about soulmates, he gets a dreadful feeling in his gut. Something is wrong.  
So maybe Jim has been dreaming, hoping, and fantasizing about Spock being his soulmate, maybe not, that’s not important. What is important is that it’s currently 02.00 am, and his shift starts at 07.00. And he just realized that he doesn’t even know Spock’s first name. It’s always “Spock” or “mister Spock” so Spock must be his last name. And now he can’t get the thought out of his head. He keeps trying to think of a moment when he heard Spock’s full name.  
“Introduction? no, he just said Spock. Maybe when i was reading through the files of new personnel? No, no that’s not it either.”  
Still, Jim can’t help but feel that somehow, he knows Spock’s name. He has never heard it, read it, or said it, but his gut tells him he knows it.  
Frustrated, he gets out of bed. he hasn’t slept at all, and his eyes feel as if they are going to seal themselves shut the moment he closes them. But he doesn’t need sleep, he needs answers. The pale blue light of the computer almost blinds him is his drowsy state, but after a few seconds he gets a bit more used to it.  
“Computer, i want the complete file from Starfleet on Mr. Spock.”  
A few beeps. The computer reads out the information in the regular nighttime volume.  
“First officer Spock, half Vulcan, half human.  
Raised on Vulcan. Mother: Amanda Grayson. Father: Admiral Sarek.  
Current assignment: USS Enterprise under Captain Kirk. Physical and relative age: undetermined due to mixed biology. Full name: S’chn T’gai Spock. Born in-”  
“Computer, stop. Repeat Spock’s full name.”  
“First officer Spock’s full name is S’chn T’gai Spock.”  
The name appears written on screen in Vulcan. And Jim recognises the alien script that is marked on his ribcage. His first officer, his friend, Spock is his soulmate. The man he had played so much chess with, the man he has known for almost a year now, is his soulmate. He has dreamed of this, hoped that this would happen, but he never imagined himself standing in a t shirt and boxer shorts in front of his computer at 02.00 when he found out. Still, that is how he stand there, astonished and slightly scared.  
Then out of nowhere, it his him in a second wave. Spock is his soulmate! And he begins to laugh. Softly at first but more hysterical by the second. He feels his body hitting his chair, but all his attention is drawn by the giddy feeling in his gut. Spock is his soulmate!  
After a few minutes, with tears of laughter and joy rolling over his face, a third wave of realisation hits him like a truck. Spock is his first officer. And he doesn’t know, if he did he would have said something. And Spock is his friend. And Spock is a Vulcan. -or half-vulcan at least- and Vulcans don’t feel emotion. And they are in uncharted space. Far, far away from Starfleet who will have to be notified. And yes, soulmates are allowed to serve together on a ship, but Jim is the Captain. His judgement could be influenced, and Starfleet might assign Spock a different ship in the fleet to make sure that doesn’t happen. Or they might put Jim out of duty, or both of them. He doesn’t know. There is no policy for a Captain and their first officer being Soulmates, it has never happened, and the odds are extremely slim. What’s going to happen? Will either of them lose their rank? He can’t let that happen, it would destroy Spock. he loves being a science officer, and he denied an education on Vulcan to become an officer. Maybe it’s better if Spock doesn’t know, doesn’t find out. As long as he can keep his mouth shut, they are both safe. Yes, yes that is a good idea. Jim turns off his computer, and stand up. His legs feel like goo, and he feels as if his heart is empty. he has to do this, for Spock. He lays down in bed and closes his eyes. And never before in his life has he felt so alone.  
That night, he cries himself to sleep.

~~Spock~~  
the Captain is late. Not just simply a few seconds late, but almost two hours. Precisely 1.88 hours. There is some murmuring on the Bridge, naturally.  
Jim has never been late before. In fact, he is usually the first senior officer on the Bridge. Spock decides that this is unacceptable. Unless there is a proper reason that his friend is so late, he must report this incident.  
“I will go see if the Captain is alright.” he announces, and firmly walks towards the turbolift.  
Jim doesn’t answer. No “come in” or “enter” so he does the logical thing. He overrides the door’s system with his passcode.  
When the door opens, Jim is asleep. He is curled up on himself, and there are very clear tear-stains on his pillow that have yet to dry. Based on how much they have dried previous to his arrival, Spock concludes that they must have been made around 03.00 approximately. And taking into consideration that in the last several days Jim has shown up to the bridge 1.23 minutes late on average, and how deep asleep he is, Spock concludes that he must have been awake until 03.00, and that for the last couple of days, he has slept increasingly less, and cried himself to sleep last night. At this realisation, Spock feels a pang of worry for his dear friend. Something has been bothering him, it seems, and last night was, as the humans say “the final straw.”  
Spock sighs. It is probably best to let Jim have his rest, since it has been increasingly mundane on the bridge, with no encounters as they edge closer to charted space for the crew’s leave. There is no important business on the bridge, so he sees no reason to disturb the figure laying sound asleep before him.  
“Spock to doctor McCoy. Doctor, the captain will take a day off on the medical reason that is exhaustion. I will deliver my official report and file to you in several minutes, understood?”  
A sigh from the other end of the comm.  
“yes Spock, i understand, i have been noticing his lack of sleep and stubbornness too. McCoy out.”  
Spock decides it is better to leave a note and breakfast for the captain should he wake soon. And of course, as a friend and first officer, he carries the responsibility. he replicates two sandwiches. One with peanut butter, as it is Jim’s favourite, and one with tomato, salad and cheese, in the hope that he eats something healthy. He adds a glass of water, and sets it on the table for Jim and it feels warm, almost familiar to do that. Like it is supposed to be that way. But of course, it is not. James, not Jim he reminds himself. A increasingly familiar feeling settles in his chest. He has been experiencing this feeling increasingly over the past few months. The feeling has increased 134.6% in that time period, and it seems to be getting stronger. He sighs, and focuses on the task at hand.  
“Computer, please inform Captain Kirk when he has woken up adequately that he is not needed on the bridge, and that he is to report to Doctor McCoy to consult him in his emotional state, thank you”  
And with that, he leaves the room, satisfied, but worried about his friend.  
What could possibly make Jim so upset?


	6. If there is a God, I am blessed by them.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> final one!!! WHOOOOOOO

It is early in the afternoon when Jim finally wakes up. His brain feels like it is going to hatch, and his skin feels weird and painful from crying. The computer softly pings into life.  
“Good morning captain. Commander Spock has asked me to inform you he has taken over your duties for the day, and you are to consume your replicated breakfast and report to sickbay on account of mental exhaustion.”  
“Fine. Tell him i’m on my way to sickbay.”  
“Captain, it would be advisatory to consume your breakfast first.”  
Jim sighs, Spock cares for him. Sp-Spock c-cares for h-him…. He chokes up again. If only Spock knew. He pulls his shirt over his head, and tries to concentrate on the things he needs to do. There is a plate two sandwiches on his desk and a glass of water. One with salad and cheese, and one with peanut butter. Spock probably did that for him. Jim starts to feel slightly warm inside, Spock did that for him…  
Instead of feeling bad again, he focuses on finishing his breakfast. His body feels heavy, and it takes everything he has to move to sickbay. And when he stumbles inside, Bones is already waiting with a full form from Spock.  
“Jim, what’s going on? You never show up late, and you look like death stared you in the face all night.”  
“Bones, trust me, you don’t want to know. This is not your business and it’s not going to be. I’ll be fine.”  
“Jim, i am your doctor and the ship’s physician, it is my business.”  
“Spock is my soulmate.”  
Bones spits his coffee all over the computer in surprise.  
“WHAT”  
“I found out last night. His first name is S’chn T’gai Spock.”  
“WHAT”  
“He doesn’t know, and i am not going to tell him. It could ruin his career, and he has given up a lot, and i am not going to ruin that.”  
“JIM. WHAT!”  
“Bones. Can you say something else or are you just going to stand there.”  
“Jim, you HAVE to tell him! He has the right to know! You can’t keep this from him.”  
“But it could ruin his life, and i don’t want to have to explain that to him. And how should i even start that conversation?”  
“Well how about right now?”  
Jim has never seen Bones look so resolute, or move so quickly. He presses the button to contact the bridge, quicker than Jim realizes what his plan is.  
“Doctor? What appears to be the matter?”  
“Spock, you amazing son of a bitch! Come down here something important has happened!”  
“Doctor? I do not-”  
“Spock get your Vulcan ass down here!”  
The screen goes black again. And Jim turns positively green.  
“BONES! Just what in THE HELL do you think you are going to do!”  
“Jim just trust me, i know you better than you think. And i may not like treating Spock’s Vulcan-human mix of biology, but i’ll be damned if i let the two of you be unhappy, and have your sorry ass pining over Spock for the next four godamn years!”  
“Bones that is none of yo-”  
At this, the doors whoosh open, and Spock steps in. He raises one eyebrow in surprise as he takes in the scene before him.  
“Captain. Doctor.”  
“Spock! just in time! i have to go and get my report on the crewmember with a newly discovered soulmate, and as the Captain and First officer you’ll have to sign it. I’ll be back in just a minute!”  
The doors close behind Bones’ obvious fake smile. And as far is Jim is concerned that includes his horrible acting and bothersome backside. 

~~Spock~~  
“Captain, perhaps it would be wise if we were to follow the doctor so that we can approve the lucky crewmembers.”  
Jim seems to be startled by this suggestion, then lets out a sigh of obvious relief.  
“yes, good idea mister Spock.”  
Spock walks to the door, and through the door. Except for the little fact that he doesn’t. Expecting the doors to open, he kept walking, but instead, the doors gave a beeping sound, and remained closed, causing Spock to walk into them.  
“Spock, are you alright?”  
“Yes captain, i am fine, though i do not see the logic in Leonard locking the door behind himself.”  
Jim seems uncomfortable, Spock notes. Perhaps he knows why the doctor did this. I mean, what could possibly be the strategic advantage of locking the two most influential officers in a room together? Unless Jim knows something he doesn’t.  
“Spock, how do you propose we get out of here?”  
“Sir, i have reason to believe you know why the doctor decided to lock us in here. Why?”  
At this, Jim mumbles something unintelligible, with a stance not unlike that of a toddler who is lying that he has not had the last cookie. He obviously does not want to tell Spock. But it could be important, to their well-being, to Spock, to the ship.  
“Jim? i don’t believe i quite got that.” Spock speaks softly. he has found that speaking in a softer tone of voice, with a person’s name rather than their title tends to allow them to trust him more.  
“I kind of maybe am your soulmate.”  
The world slows down. Spock feels like all the air has been punched from his lungs. Jim thinks they are soulmates. They have a profound bond, yes, but his name is not James.  
“Captain, that would be impossible. My Mark states the name James, not Jim.”  
“SPOCK THAT IS MY NAME! Everybody just calls me Jim, it’s a nickname.”  
Well, that certainly is unexpected, a small voice in Spock’s mind notes. However, this voice is drowned out by everything else. The rush of his blood, filled with excitement. The feeling in his body like the gravity sensors have stopped working. It all is a little overwhelming. A new sensation has breached to the surface now. And Spock is not aware of it as he closes his eyes, but he does, though the result is very welcome as a reaction. 

~~Kirk~~  
Spock isn’t saying anything. No reply. He is just….standing there with his eyes closed. It looks like he is computing the odds, and whether or not he should take action. Well damn that! Jim is his soulmate goddamnit!  
And before he can stop himself, he has taken a step forward, grabbed Spock’s hand and is kissing him resolutely.  
And all of the sudden, it feels like everything clicks into place. Jim didn’t know that he felt off, but the moment he kissed Spock something just...worked. He feels adrenaline rushing through his veins, worse than he has ever experienced it. Maybe it’s because this is Spock. The wonderful, smart, sarcastic Spock who James has found, worked his way into Jim’s heart.  
His lungs are burning. He wants to breathe through his nose, but that would kill the mood potentially more than the alternative. So he break the kiss. Spock doesn’t seems to be craving air as much as Jim is, but he looks positively surprised and slightly disheveled.  
“Jim...James...Cap-”  
“Don’t you DARE call me captain after i just tried to kiss the living daylights out of you.”  
“Uh...Yes, James.”  
An awkward silence falls. It takes Spock a short while to break it.  
“James?”  
“Yes Spock?”  
“I love you.”  
“I love you too Spock.”  
Spock carefully intertwines their hands, and softly kisses Jim. It feels like a promise.  
The door opens, and Bones comes storming in.  
“Good lord finally! Now get out of my Sickbay you lovesick dorks!”  
“Watch your mouth Bones! I’m still the captain of this ship!”  
“Well what are you gonna do then? Confine me to quarters for letting you get your ass out of your head?”  
“My hands are for holding Spock’s hand, and punching people. And since the universe blessed me with two hands, i can do both at the same time! So watch out!” Jim teases, mocking a scolding finger, wagging it at Leonard.  
“Damn you Jim! You are still off-duty! And you, you green devil, go talk and figure it out between your boyfriend and you! Move, shoo!”

And so it is, that there is gossip on The Enterprise, of the day that Uhura cashed, and The Captain and First officer Spock were locked in Sickbay together. Some claim they heard shouting, some say they heard...other noises. Fact is, James Tiberius Kirk and S'chn T’gai Spock walked out of Sickbay holding hands that day, leaving a slightly annoyed McCoy behind. After all, he is not one to engage in all this Soulmate Bullshit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> looks like they got a happy ending. I hope you liked the story because I did! Anyway, I might update this later since I think it's a little rushed. Plus, I haven't actually gotten around to some of the ships I want to include, so whenever I feel motivated I might add another chapter to resolve those plot points.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really sorry if this is bad, I'm trying to improve and I'm not that good at social cues. I hop you enjoy it though! Comments are appreciated!!!!!


End file.
